I Prayed Last Night… Here’s What Happened

So last night… it got real.

I have been fighting this battle with depression for years. I was bullied as a kid and I guess I never really got over it. What bullying produced was a girl who never thought she was good enough. This grew into a teenage girl who would do just about anything to feel wanted, loved. I was seriously looking for love in all the wrong places. I was taken advantage of. Treated like a toy men would use for a time and then toss aside. There’s a lot more to say about that. But as of right now it is far to painful for me to articulate right now.

I was not a religious person in my youth. I was not saved and holy ghost filled. I was just a girl. Feeling that no one would ever truly love her and that I had to just get by. I was suicidal and every day that I survived, every breath I took felt like torture. I did not want to be here anymore. The mental pain and anguish I experienced was overlooked by everyone. Friends, family… It was like no one could see it. I felt in my mind that I was screaming out for help. My actions were literally cries for help. I just wanted someone to say… SAVE ME!!! But no one could hear me. I guess I was expecting them to decipher my puzzle. To figure me out and to pick me up in the biggest bear hug they could muster and say “we love, we are here for you. Let’s get you some help.” That day never came.

Fast forward 20 years. I am a mom of two and in the best relationship I could ever wish for. But that sad girl, she still pops up every now and again. This is what happened last night.

I’ve talked before about being gay. My fiancee is the most supportive, loving woman in the world. I have been feeling lately that I love God, but according to some very vocal Christians I’m wrong. The fact that being gay is going to keep me out of heaven. No matter how much good I do. I’m not right. This has caused me a lot of mental anguish over the past couple of years and start to feel like “What’s the point?” Why pray, attend service, participate in bible study if I doomed to go to HELL for who I love.

Well last night my fiancee was asleep and I tried to wake her up. No dice. She recently had back surgery and the pain pills she’s on knock her out. I was crying and said “Baby I NEED You!!!” Then I thought – no I don’t. I need Jesus.

I dropped down on my knees and began to pray. A sobbing prayer full of hurt and anguish. A prayer of submission. I can’t remember what I said. But I basically told him that I was tired of this pain. I don’t want to carry this hurt anymore. I want to be whole, I want to feel complete, I want to be strong. Please take these thoughts away from me Lord, Please give me the confidence to love and to share Erica, the real Erica underneath all this despair, this pain, this loneliness, with the world. I want to do your will. I want to be your faithful servant.

I sat up and looked around my dark room and closed my eyes and just listened. Just waited for Jesus. I Sang a quick little rendition of Here’s My Heart

and just waited on him. Meditating on Psalms 34:18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

 Over and over I recited this over an over and really understood it. Through all of this he has been close to me. How it must have anguished him so to see me hurt so badly! 

Just then it dawned on me that what I call depression is a spiritual attack. Then enemy attacks my mind where I am weak and takes places seeds of doubt and insecurity. I Saw my self and this white light radiate from me and formed a shield around me.  I also saw these shadowy figures circling me menacingly, but not attacking me.  I knew – THEY CAN’T TOUCH ME!

Jesus is my shield. I pledged to shield myself in the love of Christ, in his blood. I have made a commitment to myself and to the Lord, to unburden myself, and to give my troubles to God. You see I keep all these emotions to myself because I don’t want to be a Negative Nancy. When I feel these feelings creep up I vow to give them to God and ask him to give me peace and I will remember Jesus is My Shield, they can not touch me.

If you made it this far. Thanks for listening and I hope this can be a blessing to someone else.

Peace and Love,

Also see

Why I Walked Away From God and How I found My Way Back 

 How To Be Grateful When You Feel Like Complaining 

Sleep Better with the Mediflow Floating Comfort Pillow Giveaway

Contest runs from May 15, 2017 12:01 AM to May 29, 2017 11:59 AM EST

Giveaway open to US Residents only 18 years of age or older.

Read Rosey’s full review here and watch her video demo as well!

 

The kind folks at ­­­­Mediflow want to give one lucky random Reviews And More By Rosey follower their very own Mediflow Waterbase Pillow. Please be sure to complete each task as all entries will be verified before any prize is awarded. Any fraudulent entries will be disqualified.

Contest terms and conditions: http://www.reviewsandmorebyrosey.com/giveaway-terms-conditions/

You can purchase your very own Mediflow pillow directly from the Mediflow website (Use Code Rosey15 at the checkout for a 15% discount) at Buy 1 pillow for $39.99 (with my discount code you get it for $33.99.) Select the Twin Pack Option and get a second pillow for only $30 more and no additional shipping. Your final price is only $69.99 for 2 pillows PLUS 1/2 price shipping (with my discount code you get it for $59.49.) Check out the entire line of Mediflow products on their website here!(Use Code Rosey15 for a 15% discount at the website)

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No purchase is necessary to enter. Void where prohibited by law. The odds of winning are based on the number of entries received. Contest open to US residents 18 years of age or older only. Confirmed Winner(s) (by Random.org) will be contacted by email. Winner(s) have 48 hours to claim their prize before a new winner is chosen. All entries will be verified before prize(s) will be awarded. Any fraudulent entries will result in forfeiture of your entries. Reviews And More By Rosey is not responsible for product shipment and/or delivery. This event is in no way administered, sponsored, or endorsed by, or associated with, Facebook, Twitter, Google, Pinterest, or Instagram. This disclosure is done in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission 10 CFR, Part 255 Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.
Prize winner must find the Congratulations post on my Facebook page (www.facebook.com/reviewsandmorebyrosey and comment according to the instructions in the winner’s email.

Burt’s Bees Classic Gift Set Sweepstakes

*Discolsure – This post may contain an affiliate link. I may receive a commission for entries or sales made by clicking the links in this post.

Hey  Warrior Women,

I just go wind of a new giveaway and wanted to share it with you. Burt’s Bees is one of my favorite beauty brands. They are natural and cruelty free, two things that are very important to me. With Mother’s Day right around the corner I am on the hunt for pampering products ideal for every mom. Whole Mom is giving one lucky winner a Burt’s Bees Classic Gift Set and we are OVER the Moon about it! 🙂

Enter To Win by clicking the link below.

ENTER HERE

Life’s a Beach Giveaway Hop: Win a Curlkit from Erica Ever After

*Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links. If you decide to make a purchase using a link in this post I may receive a commission.

 

Welcome to the Life’s a Beach Giveaway hop Sponsored by The Kids Did It & The Mommy Island. I am super excited to be a part of this event. This is going to be fun! 🙂

Summer will be here before you know it. You’re going to filled with lazy days, sunny skys, green grass, and some interesting hair. #curlygirls

I love my curls, maybe a little too much. Hello. My Name is Erica and I am a product junkie. I have naturally curly hair and I am always on the hunt for the next best thing to add to my Holy Grail of Hair Care Products. So I thought to myself… You probably are too! Curly hair always needs a little TLC and Curlkit Curates some of the best products in the curly girl game.

Related Post: True Confessions of a Product Junkie

Curlkit is a monthly subscription box for women with naturally curly hair. Every month you’re treated to shampoo, conditioners, stylers, styling tools – all designed for bouncy curls. I have drastically reduced my spending on hair care products by subscribing to Curlkit retailing for $25 (including shipping).

 


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Don’t forget to check out all the other sweet giveaways in the linky below. Show them some love!

Cultivate a Thankful Heart Challenge from Spiritually Hungry

I admit it. I am a sucker for challenges. I guess it’s the self help – personal growth aspect. Maybe it’s because I can’t figure things out on my own until I am forced to. IDK but if you want to intrigue me… give me a challenge.

Spiritually Hungry is one of my favorite blogs. They offer well thought out challenges that actually grow my faith and bring me closer to Jesus. I received an email the other day inviting me to join them on a new challenge, this one is all about gratitude which is one of my favorite topics to talk about.

Related Post:  How To Be More Grateful When You Feel Like Complaining

The general premise is to read the scripture outlined in the challenge and spend time reflecting, meditating, and just being present with the Lord. Through this you’ll have these little light bulb moments and that, ladies and gentleman, is when real change begins.

Scriptures about Gratitude and Thanksgiving

 

Psalm 107:1 — Giving thanks

Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good,
for his steadfast love endures forever!”

Lamentations 3:22–24 — God’s never-ending mercies

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul,
‘therefore I will hope in him.’”

There are countless more, but we’ll save those for another day.  I am 2 days into this 7 day challenge. Go at your own pace, and really open yourself up to the experience. I think you’ll be really glad you took the time to with God and really invested in yourself – spiritually.

I invite you to come on this journey with me and Spiritually Hungry and cultivate a thankful heart… One day at a time.

P.S Did I mention it’s FREE? lol

 

 

Worship Song of the Day: Live With Abandon by Newsboys

Hey Warrior Women! Welcome to our newest daily feature on Erica Ever After, Worship Song of the Day! I started this feature because I worship God through Music daily and I thought “You Can’t be the Only One!” So here we are! 🙂

Today’s selection jumped right out to me because well, I happen to be a BIG fan of The Newsboys. I actually LOVE them for several reasons which really deserve a post of their own. Let’s just talk about this song in particular.

This happens to be my Personal Faith Theme Song for 2017. I want to give God everything within me. All of Erica.  All. Of. It. I want to live in service of Christ and his people, which is really the same thing. I want to live in complete and total abandon. I feel that this song is perfect for worship because as Christians we should all want to Live in Abandon. Ok I promise I’m not going to say the title again.

Related Posts: 

When I Walked Away From God and How I Found My Way Back
How to Be Grateful When You Feel Like Complaining

Earlier this year I was praying to Jesus over my life’s purpose and He answered with, You are supposed to help others. The Sick, The Poor, The Frail. God put Mission Work on my heart. This is a huge undertaking both spirtually and financially. LIVE. IN. ABANDON

Here’s the Song. May God reveal amazing things to you in your personal worship service.

 

Ok I almost forgot – We are launching a FREE email course on Gratitude Journaling. Gratitude and prayer journaling are passions of mine and it has grown my faith by leaps and bounds and I want to help each of you develop the same relationship with Jesus. Just to be safe sign up for my email list – I’d hate for you to miss it!

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Win Gourmet Chocolate Caramel Apples from Gift Inside

Win these Gourmet Chocolate Caramel Apples

Sponsored by Reviews
And More By Rosey
and A Gift
Inside
!

Read Rosey’s entire review here!

Contest runs from 4/30/17 – 12:01 AM
to 5/14/15 – 11:59 PM

Contest open to USA residents only 18 years
of age or older.

The kind folks at ­­­­A Gift
Inside
want to give one lucky random entrant their very own set of
Gourmet Chocolate Caramel Apples. Please be sure to complete each task as
all entries will be verified before any prize is awarded. Any fraudulent
entries will be disqualified.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Contest terms and conditions:

http://www.reviewsandmorebyrosey.com/giveaway-terms-conditions/

No purchase is necessary to enter. Void where prohibited by law. The odds of
winning are based on the number of entries received. Contest open to US
residents 18 years of age or older only. Confirmed Winner(s) (by Random.org)
will be contacted by email. Winner(s) have 48 hours to claim their prize
before a new winner is chosen. All entries will be verified before prize(s)
will be awarded. Any fraudulent entries will result in forfeiture of your
entries. Reviews And More By Rosey is not responsible for
product shipment and/or delivery. This event is in no way administered,
sponsored, or endorsed by, or associated with, Facebook, Twitter, Google,
Pinterest, or Instagram. This disclosure is done in accordance with the
Federal Trade Commission 10 CFR, Part 255 Guides Concerning the Use of
Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising. Prize winner must find the
Congratulations post on my Facebook page (www.Facebook.com/reviewsandmorebyrosey) and
comment under it in order to claim their prize.

Win a $50 Gift Certificate from HearthSong

*Disclosure: I was not compensated in any way for this post. Erica Ever After is not responsible for the delivery of prizes.
Spring is  here and many of us are already thinking about outdoor activities for the kids in our lives. Get them out of this house! (lol)  I’ve partnered with a bloggy friend – Love, Mrs. Mommy to bring you an awesome giveaway! Keep reading for more info on HearthSong and how you can enter to win!

Sponsored By: HearthSong

Hosted By: Love, Mrs. Mommy

Winner Will Receive:

A $50 Gift Certificate to HearthSong!

HearthSong began in 1983 and has been committed to helping parents find age-appropriate, wholesome, high-quality playthings ever since. They select and design the best in kid-powered, screen-free toys and games that the whole family can enjoy! Can I get a high-five?!

My sweetpea loves princesses, fairies, and the magical world in which they live. With this in mind, I was inspired to put together a big-girl room, for my up-and-coming three year old!

Click here to read Love, Mrs. Mommy’s full HearthSong Review!

Open To US and must be 18+ to enter
Giveaway Dates ~ 5/1 9:00 AM EST through 5/15 11:59PM EST
Disclosure: Love, Mrs. Mommy and all participating bloggers are not held responsible for sponsors who do not fulfill their prize obligations. Love, Mrs. Mommy received HearthSong products at no cost to facilitate the above-mentioned review. This giveaway is in no way endorsed or sponsored by Facebook or any other social media site. The winner will be randomly drawn by Giveaway Tools and will be notified by email. Winner has 48 hours to reply before a replacement winner will be drawn. If you would like to participate in an event like this please contact LoveMrsMommy (at) gmail (dot) com.

Win a $25 Gift Card of Your Choice in Our Super Mom Giveaway Hop

Welcome to the 2nd Annual Super Mom Giveaway Hop

This fun and exciting giveaway hop is brought to you by:

MamatheFox, The Kids Did It & The Mommy Island

This Mothers Day there are so many options for gifts to give! At each stop in this giveaway hop you will find a prize that will be perfect for a mom in your life. Don’t forget to check out MamatheFox’s Grand Prize of (1) Kuhn Rikon Duromatic Micro Microwave Pressure Cooker, (1) Kyocera Ceramic Coated Fry Pan Set 8” and 10” & (1) Capresso Infinity Conical Burr Coffee Grinder and (1) bag of Capresso’s Grand Aroma Coffee Beans – Regular Roast! This Grand Prize is valued at $266!

Be sure to come back daily to increase your chances of winning!

MamatheFox and all participating blogs are not held responsible for sponsors who fail to fulfill their prize obligations.

Happy Mother’s Day!

I happen to believe that a mother is one of God’s Greatest Creation. We are care taker, nurse, benefactor, maid, and personal assistant. (lol) Being a mother is a job with very little thanks and no financial gain, but I believe we get paid in other ways. We are given kisses, cuddles, hugs, we are told we are awesome, we are paid in the gleeful laughter of our children, and all those family moments that are just priceless.

Once a year we are given our due. Once a year celebrating moms is a requirement. We celebrate moms every day here at Erica Ever After, our Warrior Woman Army is here to spoil you, lift you up, and love on you everyday!

We are giving one mom a $25 Gift Card of your choice to spoil and pamper you!

Don’t forget to visit the other blogs in the blog hop for your chance to win other great prizes!

Enjoy Your Day Mom – You EARNED it!

*Disclosure: This giveaway is sponsored by Erica Ever After. I was not compensated by any retailer for this post. All thoughts and ideas are 100% my own.

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BabySmile Nasal Aspirator Giveaway with MommyOnTheMoney.com

*Disclosure: I was not compensated in any way for this post. The Thoughts and opinions are made by Mommy On The Money. I am solely assisting with the promotion of this giveaway.

If you are a mom-to-be, a new mom, or have little ones at home, you will at some point, if you haven’t been already, be faced with a baby with a stuffy nose. This week, Kristi over at MommyOnTheMoney.com checked out a great new tool to get the mucous out of a baby’s nose. It is no wonder why they call it the BabySmile Nasal Aspirator. If you want to be able to treat a very small stuffed up nose safely, check out this new device, or we have a chance for one lucky person to win one in our giveaway!

Here’s how the BabySmile Nasal Aspirator works:

The unit includes the ac adaptor, main unit,  two tips, tip connector, suction tube, user manual, warranty certificate, and comic manual.

Also, the BabySmile Nasal Aspirator has been given the Parent Tested Parent Approved (PTPA™) Winner’s Seal of Approval!

You can check out the aspirator in this video:
The BabySmile Nasal Aspirator is sold on Amazon and retails for $114.70.
WELCOME TO OUR GIVEAWAY!!!Prize:
(1) BabySmile Nasal Aspirator (ARV $114.70)
Rules:
Must be 18+ years or older.
Giveaway is open US only.
Void where prohibited.
Ends 5/7/2017 11:59 pm PST

If you are a mom-to-be, a new mom, or have little ones at home, you will at some point, if you haven’t been already, be faced with a baby with a stuffy nose. This week, Kristi over at MommyOnTheMoney.com checked out a great new tool to get the mucous out of a baby’s nose. It is no wonder why they call it the BabySmile Nasal Aspirator. If you want to be able to treat a very small stuffed up nose safely, check out this new device, or we have a chance for one lucky person to win one in our giveaway!

Here’s how the BabySmile Nasal Aspirator works:

The unit includes the ac adaptor, main unit,  two tips, tip connector, suction tube, user manual, warranty certificate, and comic manual.

Also, the BabySmile Nasal Aspirator has been given the Parent Tested Parent Approved (PTPA™) Winner’s Seal of Approval!

You can check out the aspirator in this video:
The BabySmile Nasal Aspirator is sold on Amazon and retails for $114.70.
WELCOME TO OUR GIVEAWAY!!!Prize:
(1) BabySmile Nasal Aspirator (ARV $114.70)
Rules:
Must be 18+ years or older.
Giveaway is open US only.
Void where prohibited.
Ends 5/7/2017 11:59 pm PST

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*BabySmile is the Giveaway sponsor and is responsible for the prize. In the event that the prize is not available they may substitute item(s) with an equal value prize. MommyOnTheMoney.com is the host of this giveaway and can be contacted via right sidebar. Giveaway is not associated with or endorsed by Amazon, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Youtube or their associates. Winner will be contacted via email and will have 48 hours to claim their prize or we will select another winner.